Self-esteem is a critical part of our emotional and psychological well-being. It’s the lens through which we view and accept ourselves, our abilities, our value and worth, and the world around us. How you feel about yourself can range from confident to doubtful or anywhere in between, influencing your relationships and choices throughout the day.
For people struggling with low self-esteem, the journey toward self-acceptance and confidence can be challenging—but it doesn’t have to be lonely. Consider therapy for self-esteem in NYC and on Long Island. In dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) with us at Suffolk DBT, you’ll receive support and guidance as you learn practical skills that empower you to cultivate a more positive self-perception.
In DBT for low self-esteem, you’ll learn to be mindful and acknowledge your experiences and feelings without judgment, which can help you put positive self-talk into practice. Our clinical team will help you explore how positive self-talk works, how to recognize and stop negative thought patterns, and how to create effective affirmations that work for you.
The principle of positive self-talk
Self-talk is what we say to ourselves. It’s an internal voice that includes our
- Thoughts
- Feelings and opinions
- Beliefs and biases
It creates an inner monologue we hear and listen to all day.
Positive self-talk refers to an inner monologue that’s affirming and optimistic. Practicing this skill involves consciously replacing self-defeating thoughts and views of oneself with constructive, supportive ones to counteract negative thinking patterns.
Why should you consciously counteract negative thinking patterns?
The tone of your self-talk is crucial because your inner voice can be a friend or a foe. While your inner voice doesn’t make your decisions, it significantly influences what you do or don’t do. It can be the difference between trying to improve your life or staying stuck in a self-punishing cycle of rumination and inaction.
Where does negative self-talk come from?
Why does our inner voice sometimes hold us back and criticize us? Often, it’s because it echoes critical remarks heard from significant people in our lives. Negative self-talk like, ‘I’m no good at anything,’ ‘I’m a burden,’ or ‘I’m hard to love’ echo statements you’ve heard from parents, family members, or teachers during childhood or from a former friend or ex-lover.
Unchecked negative self-talk can wreak havoc on your self-esteem. It can rob you of a sense of security, leading to a deep-down sense of discomfort in who you are. Unsurprisingly, this blends into other areas of life, and difficulty arises in meeting deadlines and achieving goals.
In therapy for self-esteem at Suffolk DBT, our compassionate experts help you understand that positive self-talk, like negative self-talk, is learned. When you realize your power over your inner dialogue, the path for how to boost confidence becomes clear. Your inner voice will become a built-in cheerleader, motivating you to work through and overcome conflicts, manage daily tasks, and build a foundation of value and self-worth.
Recognize negative thought patterns to get rid of
Negative thoughts gain their power when we give them attention and time. We can cultivate the power of positive thoughts in the same way. Your agency is in choosing where to put your attention. It can be difficult at first, especially if you’re not used to mindfully, intentionally showing yourself kindness and positivity. Still, with repetition, positive self-talk can become more accessible and automatic.
When negative self-talk operates automatically, you may not recognize these harmful thought patterns as you experience them. Common negative thought patterns include
- Catastrophizing. This is a cognitive distortion in which you expect the worst-case scenario to happen, even when you have little to no information or reason to jump to despair. Uninspiring, negative self-talk like, “One mistake in this presentation and I can kiss my career goodbye” can keep you from taking on reasonable, important tasks like making professional presentations, going out for promotions, or even seeking a raise. You may think you’re shielding yourself from failure, but you’re actually holding yourself back from meaningful, joyous life experiences.
- Black-and-White thinking. Living in such an absolute mindset and viewing situations in extremes without recognizing any middle ground can keep you from seeing and experiencing life as it is: uncertain, complex, and always changing. All-or-nothing negative self-talk can make you see everything you do as a failure, preventing you from trying anything new. It can influence you to see people as strictly “bad,” even when they unintentionally offend you or make mistakes, impairing how you interact and communicate with them.
- Overgeneralization. Overgeneralizing refers to making broad conclusions based on a single event. This negative thought pattern can make you think, “I’ll never be successful” just because you weren’t hired for a particular job, or, “I’ll always be unlovable” just because a date didn’t end successfully. Such negative self-talk can cause you to view any adverse experience as a part of an inevitable pattern of misfortune and mistakes.
Putting an end to negative self-talk
In sessions of dialectical behavioral therapy for self-esteem at Suffolk DBT, clients learn several ways to be mindful and intentional in their relationships with themselves.
- Identify negative thoughts. Pay attention to specific thoughts that cause you distress. It can be helpful to track these thoughts in a journal or diary.
- Challenge negative self-talk. Deconstruct your negative thoughts and ask yourself if they’re based on facts or assumptions. Identify the errors in these thoughts and notice examples where they aren’t true.
- Replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk. Reframe negative thoughts into positive ones and create balanced and supportive statements that reflect a more compassionate and realistic perspective. Then, rehearse these thoughts.
When you think something negative like, “I always mess up at work. I’m a failure,” challenge it. Do you always mess up or is that exaggerated? Try positive self-talk like, “Everyone messes up sometimes” and find truth in such a statement, with “I can learn from mistakes.” With rehearsal and time, you’ll be able to put your positive self-talk into practice, such as “I’m capable of improving and succeeding.”
Making affirmations work for you
How to boost confidence? Tell yourself believable affirmations. Simply repeating statements that feel untrue can reinforce feelings of inadequacy. For affirmations to be effective, make sure they resonate with your current experiences and acknowledge your growth potential.
The best way to create effective affirmations is to
- Use language that reflects your current situation and acknowledges your efforts like, “I’m learning and growing every day.”
- Tailor your affirmations to specific areas of your life where you seek improvement, such as “I’m improving my communication skills and becoming more confident in my social life.”
- Ground your positive self-talk in truths you can believe, even small ones. Try statements like, “I’m capable of making positive changes and learning from my experiences” or “I’ve overcome challenges before and can do it again.”
Knowing how to boost confidence is crucial
Healthy, authentic self-esteem and confidence can produce positive effects like:
- Less worrying, anxiety, depression, and other adverse emotional states
- Better energy and performance
- Healthier relationships and improved engagement with others
- Maximized empathy and awareness of others’ feelings
- Greater willingness to try new things
- Enhanced capacity to tolerate uncertainty instead of overthinking and trying to predict the future
- Improved resilience
Successfully shift from negative to positive self-talk at Suffolk DBT
Healthy, constructive positive self-talk can lead to immediate and long-term benefits. In therapy for self-esteem at Suffolk DBT, our compassionate experts are dedicated to helping you recognize negative self-talk and challenge and replace the unhelpful things you believe about yourself.
Sessions of DBT for low self-esteem are safe spaces for you to feel better and learn how to boost confidence and live a more mindful, positive life focused on setting realistic goals, motivating yourself, and achieving them while enjoying enhanced mental, emotional, and behavioral health. Contact Suffolk DBT today to get started.
