Maybe you’ve just had an argument with your partner, a work situation has escalated, you are struggling with school pressures, or a tough memory is bringing up some even tougher feelings. Whatever it is, it’s hitting you hard. You’ve started a DBT program at Suffolk DBT, and you’ve learned some DBT skills through practice in individual and group therapy, but in this moment, you’re overwhelmed. You’re not sure which skill to try, or you have already tried a DBT skill, and it isn’t working the way you’d hoped it would.
This overwhelm is starting to escalate into a crisis, one that leads to all-too-familiar outcomes of suicidal or self-harm urges, impulsive behaviors, or relationships ending. You need help, right now, to cut this crisis short and handle the moment.
At Suffolk DBT, our therapists provide on-call DBT phone coaching. When life challenges start to escalate your emotional and behavioral dysregulation, a quick call to your therapist can help you use DBT crisis skills to cope.
When should you call your therapist for DBT phone coaching?
When should you call your therapist for DBT phone coaching?
- Relationship conflicts, arguments, ruptures
- Avoidance, inability to engage with life
- Overwhelming emotions like anger, anxiety, or shame, or mood swings
- Feeling out of control emotionally or behaviorally
- Suicidal ideation, suicidal urges, or suicidal plans
- Intense self-harm or impulsive behavior urges
- When you feel lost, alone, and unsure of which DBT skill to use.
- Strong urges to go to the hospital or escape.
- Needing support to keep situations from getting worse.
- Brief check-ins to repair and stay connected between sessions
Why does DBT phone coaching help?
Why does DBT phone coaching help?DBT phone coaching can help prevent a severe crisis
When you’re emotionally and behaviorally dysregulated, a challenging moment can quickly escalate to a crisis. You can rapidly go from being upset to feeling suicidal, from grief to self-harm, or from a disagreement to a screaming match. The difficult emotions and thoughts that stem from these challenges can last a long time, making life much harder for you.
DBT phone coaching with your therapist in crisis-adjacent situations, where things are tough but not yet at their worst, can help you slow down and use DBT skills to manage the moment. You can turn a potential crisis into a constructive experience with DBT phone coaching, helping you gain confidence in your ability to cope in hard moments.
DBT phone coaching can help you remember which DBT crisis skills to use
In an overwhelming moment, especially early in your DBT therapy process, it can be hard to remember to reach for DBT skills. It can also be hard to use them; slowing down, staying present, and walking through a step-by-step approach is tough when you’re emotionally flooded.
“Skills generalization”, or the ability to choose and use your DBT skills in various real-life situations, is a major goal of DBT, and it’s also a process. Part of that process is reaching out to your therapist for phone coaching when you’re not sure what skill to use, or the skills you’ve tried haven’t helped as much as you’d hoped.
Phone coaching helps you use the most effective skill for a given situation, and helps you practice your skills. The next time a similar situation comes up, you’ll be better equipped to manage it, meaning you’ve progressed in DBT skills generalization!
Knowing your therapist is on-call to help you can reassure you that you’re not alone
Emotional overwhelm, upsetting or racing thoughts, and difficult interpersonal interactions can feel incredibly isolating. Being flooded with feelings makes it hard to be present in the moment, mentally separating you from others. Feeling alone in a tough time can compound your emotions, creating a cycle of upset, loneliness, and shame.
Knowing that you can reach out to your therapist when you need to, and that they’re ready to support you not just in therapy, but between sessions, helps you feel less alone. During crisis and crisis-adjacent situations, you have someone to reach out to who won’t judge and will help. You really aren’t alone, even when life is at its hardest, when your therapist is on-call to help you when you need it.
When should you not call your therapist for DBT phone coaching?
DBT phone coaching at Suffolk DBT is meant to help you through crisis-adjacent situations, which can include serious dangers like passive suicidal thoughts, self-harm, severe grief, and disruptive, distressing interpersonal interactions.
Phone coaching with your therapist isn’t meant to replace emergency services. If you are in immediate danger or feel unable to stay safe:
- Call 911, or
- Go to the nearest emergency room, or
- Contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) for immediate support.
It’s time to call emergency services when you:
- Have an active plan to attempt suicide
- Have an active plan to harm others, or you are engaging in violent, destructive behavior without being able to stop yourself
- Are experiencing a break with reality, hallucinations, psychosis, or are extremely confused.
What happens during a coaching call with your DBT therapist?
When you call your therapist for phone coaching, they’ll ask you to describe what you’re going through; what are your thoughts, feelings, and urges? And what are your goals for the situation?
You and your therapist will discuss what DBT skills you’ve already tried, and consider what DBT skills will help you the most in this moment.
Your therapist will walk you through the DBT skills you choose, making sure you feel confident in your ability to effectively use them in this challenging moment. They will provide encouragement, reminding you that you’ve worked hard to acquire these skills, that you’re not alone in this, and that you now know what to do.
Phone coaching calls are not meant to be a mini therapy session
The goal of DBT is to provide structured support in multiple ways. While it can feel helpful to talk things out and vent to your therapist, phone coaching is goal-based and action-oriented. It is meant to help you slow down, refocus, and use the DBT skills you’ve developed.
The calls are meant to be short (5-15 minutes), specific to the immediate situation you’re in, and to serve as a reminder of your therapy goals as you review what DBT skills you can use (and how to use them) for this particular situation.
If you’re in need of a full therapy session to process what you’re experiencing, we encourage you to schedule one separately from the call, but we also encourage you to make use of the support of phone coaching in the moment. You can definitely have a therapy session and phone coaching; they’re both built into DBT because they’re considered essential supports, and neither can effectively replace the other.
DBT phone coaching can provide support for your support system
While you are the main focus of your DBT therapy, your support system will often also be part of your therapy process. Family members will often learn DBT skills from the therapy team alongside their loved ones to help support therapy success, and they may also have access to on-call therapist support to help them in moments of crisis.
Phone coaching for family members will have a structure very similar to that of a call you make for yourself. Your therapist will gather information and help select DBT skills to use in the moment, providing guidance on how to use the skills effectively for whatever you’re going through.
Suffolk DBT provides phone coaching as part of a comprehensive DBT program to help young adults create a life worth living
Suffolk DBT provides phone coaching as part of a comprehensive DBT program to help young adults create a life worth livingWhen emotional overwhelm is leading you into a crisis, and you’re struggling to use your DBT skills effectively, DBT phone coaching provides in-the-moment support between sessions. At Suffolk DBT, phone coaching with your therapist can help you take the DBT skills you’ve learned in therapy and use them to manage life’s challenges in everyday life.
If you’re looking for support in NYC, Long Island, and specifically Suffolk County that goes beyond the therapy room, Suffolk DBT is here for you. Connect with us today to get started on creating a life worth living, with support that shows up for you when life throws challenges your way.
Frequently Asked Questions About Phone Coaching in DBT
Will my therapist answer the phone any time of day or night?
Your therapist will set specific hours for their availability and will provide you with other crisis resources for times they won’t be available by phone. You can learn more about phone coaching hours by contacting our intake team.
Should I wait to call until I’m in a crisis situation?
Things don’t have to be at their worst for it to be worthwhile to call. A 5-minute coaching session can make a tremendous difference in how you handle a difficult situation and can stop a crisis from happening.
The best time to use phone coaching is before you’re in a full crisis (though your therapist will support you through a crisis as well!). When you notice familiar patterns starting up again in emotional, behavioral, interpersonal, cognitive, or identity dysregulation, and you’re not sure what to do next, that is the perfect time to call your therapist for phone support.
Do I have to be in a DBT program to receive phone coaching?
Yes, DBT phone coaching is part of a comprehensive DBT program that includes individual counseling, DBT skills group sessions, and on-call therapist support.
Does phone coaching cost extra?
There is no additional cost for DBT phone coaching at Suffolk DBT!