What makes life worth living?
Sometimes, life is just hard. Social pressures, work worries, family troubles, health issues, anxiety over your children, financial concerns, mental health struggles, and feelings of hopelessness; all of these can weigh you down, making it hard to see the point of looking for silver linings and brighter sides. Sometimes, it’s hard to even see the point of being alive.
If you’ve found yourself asking, “Is life worth living?” you’re not alone. In these low moments, it can be hard to remember what is worth living for. Even if you can’t see them easily, there are so many things that make life worth living. We want to offer you hope.
When your mental health makes it hard to see the good things in life, it can help to be reminded that joy, connection, self-appreciation, and hope are all available to you. When you’re ready, you can reach out and take steps to make your life worth living!
Reconnect with Small Joys
Have you ever heard the phrase “glimmers”? Glimmers are the opposite of triggers; they’re the tiny moments in our days that make us feel safe and happy. Glimmers can be something as simple as petting your dog or the smell of your favorite tea in a warm mug.
These tiny moments of awe can break through the fog of depression or overwhelm you, offering a little spark of joy. We are always paying attention to our surroundings, and our default state tends to look for threats more than signs of safety. When you seek out glimmers and enjoy them fully, you teach your body and mind that there is safety around you
Examples of glimmers
Here are some examples of glimmers. How many of them can you notice throughout your day today?
- Seeing a beautiful sunset
- Smelling flowers, even just at the grocery store
- Hearing a loved one laugh
- Enjoying the sound of rain
- Smelling freshly baked bread or cookies
- Spending time out in nature
- Feeling the warmth of the sun
- Listening to your favorite song
- Enjoying a conversation with a friend
- Finding the perfect gift for someone
- Reading a good book
- Feeling a warm breeze
- Seeing a friend or loved one enjoying themselves
DBT mindfulness skills can make finding small joys easier
When you practice mindfulness regularly, you’ll be able to notice glimmers and direct your attention toward the experience. This practice will help you stay present even when difficult, overwhelming emotions try to drag your attention away from the moment, or you get caught up in self-judgment for having “bad” emotions or thoughts.
If you struggle to stay present and notice shame or guilt rising up, let those feelings arise and pass you by. Don’t try to argue with them, and don’t attach value judgments to yourself or your feelings. Simply let yourself experience; you may be surprised at how quickly difficult feelings pass you by when you step back and let them.
Lean on Your Support Network
People need support from other people, especially when they’re experiencing mental health difficulties. Our friends, family, and even therapists can help us make it through difficult times, reminding us that we’re worth caring about and that we aren’t alone.
Why does connection help so much? One reason is brain cells called “mirror neurons” that help us connect with others. These cells are a major part of our ability to feel empathy, and when we are around others, mirror neurons help us feel what they’re feeling as if we are experiencing it ourselves.
When you’re struggling mentally, being around people who are compassionate and encouraging can trigger mirror neurons, so you’ll feel compassion and encouragement within yourself as well. The person connecting with you will also feel what you’re feeling because of their own mirror neurons, helping you feel understood and seen.
DBT interpersonal effectiveness skills can build connections that make life worth living
If you read that last section and thought, “But my friendships and relationships don’t feel supportive,” DBT’s interpersonal effectiveness skills can help. Interpersonal effectiveness skills encourage setting firm boundaries, speaking up, and sticking to the facts when it comes to trying to understand others.
These DBT skills help you fulfill your connection needs without resorting to people-pleasing or resentment and allow you to remain fair and respectful in your relationships. These skills make it easier to reach out when you’re having a hard time because you know you are creating relationships that are supportive, not stressful.
Reflect on Your Personal Growth and Resilience
Even though you have come so far in life and learned so much, when you’re struggling with mental health issues, it’s all too easy to feel worthless. The negative self-beliefs you’ve internalized can become very loud and hard to ignore. It’s important to remind yourself that having a hard time now doesn’t erase the work you’ve done; even in times of despair, your progress and growth count.
Emotional regulation through positive self-talk can help you recognize your growth and resilience
The emotional regulation DBT skill of positive self-talk can help you counteract the negative self-beliefs that hold you back from recognizing your growth. Sit down, take a moment, and think about where you were a year ago. What have you accomplished since then?
Consider your friendships, your work, your personal goals, and your family life. When that negative voice tries to tell you all the things you haven’t accomplished, focus and remind yourself of all the good things about yourself.
If your mind tries to tell you that you aren’t worth loving, remind yourself of all the ways you show up for the people in your life. You are loving, and you are worth being loved. If the voice tries to remind you of all your mistakes, turn it around; you’re human, you’re learning, and you are resilient enough to try again! You’ve learned things about yourself and others, you’ve made changes in your life, and best of all, you’ve survived every difficult experience you had. Life is hard, and you can do hard things. Recognize your resilience, notice your progress, and celebrate it!
Set Small Goals for Hopeful Progress
Motivation and hope can be hard to find when your mental health is struggling. Instead of waiting for hope to arrive spontaneously, you can create hope for yourself by putting yourself into a growth mindset and setting a goal for yourself. Choose a small goal, something like reading more often, turning off your phone after dinner, taking a daily walk, growing some basil this spring, etc.
Create a plan that is specific about what you want to do and when you’ll do it. As you work toward your goal, keep two things in mind. One, every successful step toward your goal is worth celebrating. And two, every setback, every missed walk, or evening spent scrolling, is not a sign that you are a failure. It’s a sign that you have learning and growing to do as you make this change in your life.
As you work on your goal, you’re also working on your mindset. You are proving to yourself over and over that you are capable, you can make changes, and you can pick yourself up after you’ve had a setback. If you can make progress with this goal, you can take on other goals too, and that is a clear sign of hope!
Distress tolerance DBT skills help you when you’re asking, “Is life worth living?”
When you do have setbacks in this goal-setting exercise, take the opportunity to use the DBT distress tolerance skill of problem-solving. Instead of spiraling with shame over having a non-linear path toward meeting a goal, look at the situation in detail: what happened, what caused it, and what can you do about it?
Don’t attach value judgments to the situation, stick to the facts, and don’t try to solve problems that aren’t yours to solve. This approach offers you a chance to set boundaries, only taking on what is your responsibility, while also offering you a chance to make changes that mean something to you instead of engaging in harsh self-criticism.
DBT can help you remember why life is worth living
DBT was developed to help emotionally sensitive people create a life worth living. Emotional sensitivity is nothing to be ashamed of, and it is a trait that people who feel deeply, observe keenly, forge strong connections, and offer a creative, caring perspective to the world.
That sensitivity can also make difficult emotions and distressing life experiences overwhelming. Without structure and healthy ways to cope, emotional sensitivity can make life feel lonely and difficult, straining relationships and derailing life plans.
Suffolk DBT’s empathetic therapists help people struggling with the downsides of emotional sensitivity every day. DBT incorporates individual therapy, group therapy, life skills in mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance, emotional resilience, and on-call therapist support, creating a structure that helps you understand and appreciate yourself, helping you create meaningful changes so you, too, can have a life worth living!