The teenage brain can arguably be called “a mess”. There are so many factors that are at work inside the mind of teens, but this is especially true for teens with anxiety.
The experiences of being a teenager in the 21st century, like how they interact with other teens (either in person or virtually), school, family dynamics, etc. play a huge part in how your teen’s brain functions. They can be tremendous sources of support and growth, and can also be major contributors to emotional and behavioral dysregulation in teens.
There are also inherent physical and biological aspects of the teenage brain. For instance, we know that it takes about 25 years for the human brain to develop, especially the frontal lobe, where behavioral and emotional regulation take place. What this all means is that when teens experience stress, and specifically panic, it can be hard to reason with them while they’re in the grips of panic.
As a parent, you have to be strategic, patient, and consistent to help a teen who is struggling with panic. Here’s how to handle those situations:
The Amygdala and the Teenage Brain
There’s more than just “today was a hard day” to why your teen doesn’t listen to reason. It has to do with biology. When anxious teens experience stress, their brains can trigger not just a stress response, but a full-blown panic response. We often describe this response in terms of “fight, flight, freeze.”
What this means is that when your teen panics, their brain is telling them that these are the best courses of action. Essentially, the amygdala, which handles this response, overrides the more logical parts of your teen’s brain.
Why Teens with Anxiety Can’t Be reasoned With
Because teens with anxiety can get stuck in fight, flight, or freeze, they can become impossible to reason with. You might say all the logical reasons your teen can calm down and relax. But when they’re in the grips of their panic, they are not hearing it.
For instance, let’s say they are practicing for their drivers’ license. The two of you are riding together in the car, with your teen behind the wheel. However, they don’t notice the upcoming intersection with the stop sign. You tell them, “Stop!” Their foot slams on the brake, they whip their head around to check all angles, and they start talking really fast.
Maybe they are apologizing at a high rate of speed. Or, they are upset and saying how they will never learn to drive. You want to tell them it’s okay, that they just had a learning moment and they can calm down. But calming them down with logic will not work right now. Their brain won’t let them relax yet.
Using Breathing Techniques to Regain Calm
Because teens can’t process situations rationally in these moments, they need something more basic to focus on. A great idea is using breathing exercises. Breathing exercises serve three purposes.
- They allow for more oxygen to be inhaled and distributed by the bloodstream
- They show your teen’s brain and body that things are safe, because slow breathing happens when there’s nothing to panic about
- Breathing intentionally gives your teen something else to focus on rather than what created the panic
Breathing techniques can be as simple as breathe, hold, exhale, hold, or more complex ones with visualizations or mantras. They can be done for a few cycles or even minutes. (and they’re easier to remember to do if both you and your teen practice ahead of time.)
Have a code word that your teen will recognize when they are stressed to indicate they should breathe. In the moment, stay with your teen, encourage them, and guide them through the breathing. However, avoid trying to process with them; focusing on breathing is best right now.
After the Panic Has Passed
Once the moment has passed, your teen might feel embarrassed or upset at themselves. This is when it’s useful to be encouraging. Remind them they used focused breathing. Normalize the idea that everyone experiences fear from time to time. It’s okay. Maybe share a story of a time you panicked as a teen.
If they seem to be in the right headspace, then now might be appropriate to talk about the situation more rationally, what they did well, and what they could do differently next time.
Don’t Take Teens with Anxiety Personally
Throughout these moments, teens with anxiety are likely to say things that are hurtful to you. When this happens, take a mental step back from the situation. Recognize that they are in fight, flight, freeze mode. They are not being rational. This helps to take the personal sting out of those comments. Once the anxiety has passed, reflect with them on the situation; they should be held accountable, but the goal isn’t punishment, it’s growth. Try to avoid getting angry with them. Rather, use the moment as a learning experience.
Suffolk DBT helps anxious teens (and their parents) to cope in moments of panic
By teaching your teen coping tools like breathing exercises and appropriately coaching them through these difficult moments, you will empower them to better handle anxiety on their own. However, if both you and your teen are struggling to find any success, ask for help. The therapists at Suffolk DBT can help teens with anxiety, and their parents, to cope in healthier ways.
Click here for more information on Anxiety Treatment.
Suffolk DBT proudly provides quality dialectical behavior therapy, a form of cognitive behavioral therapy, at their offices in Manhattan and Long Island, New York and online. Their experienced therapists specialize in serving teens, children, adults, and college students struggling with depression, borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, and self-harm. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills and treatment can help you or your kids to manage emotions and work through life’s challenges. Suffolk DBT Manhattan and Long Island offer a free screening call so you can get started right away.
Frequently Asked Questions about Panic and Anxiety in Teens
Panic attacks are not a voluntary experience, they’re the result of overwhelm and dysregulation.
When your teen has panic attacks, it’s not the time to tell them to “get over it”. It’s also not the time to give in and help them avoid everything that makes them anxious.
Using a structured therapeutic approach like dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), your teen can develop the life skills they need to manage panic attacks and emotional overwhelm.
The goal shouldn’t be a teen who never has a hard time; that’s unrealistic and unfair to your teen. The goal should be a teen who knows what to do to cope when they inevitably have a hard time.
Parental support is a key indicator of success for therapy for children and teens. Think about it; your teen lives with you, looks to you for guidance (even if they’ll never admit it), and their home environment has a strong influence on their ability to cope.
DBT programs like those at Suffolk DBT that include parents in the process ensure that you know how to relate to your teen and use DBT skills in the home, right alongside your teen. It also helps you encourage your teen, so neither of you let therapy interfering behaviors derail their progress.
You’ll spend time parenting your teen either way, and with DBT, you and your teen have skills to communicate, emotionally regulate, manage distress, and stay present with each other, even when life gets tough.