A blog, my boss said. “I want you to write a blog on DBT skills”.
I’ve never written a blog before! Will people like it? What will I even write about? Where will I find the time? There is no way I can do this. I’m already counseling my Suffolk County patients as a second job, I have supervision group in Norfolk, team consultation, and am going to be starting a class in Manhattan soon. All of that, along with my personal life responsibilities, and now a blog? It’s impossible…
Is this how my patients think? What would they think if they could see me now?
They would probably give me the advice I give them all the time: to challenge myself. They would say its ok if I fail, what matters is knowing that I gave it my best shot. They would say who cares if nobody else likes it, if you enjoy writing it?
In fact, this timing is perfect. I’m teaching them next week about Myth Busting using Interpersonal Effectiveness DBT skills.
So how can I rewrite this narrative? And how can DBT help me?
How can DBT help you rewrite negative personal beliefs?
DBT skills offer 4 ways to challenge our myths:
1) Argue against them logically
Ok, easy enough. Let’s look at the all-or-nothing myths, and the middle ground that’s more likely to be true. First myth – Instead of thinking to myself that it is impossible, or that it’ll be a breeze, I can take the middle path. I can say that it is possible, though it will be difficult to find the time.
2) Checking the facts
Will it really be that hard to find the time? What am I feeling about writing this blog, and is that reflecting what’s happening now?
Well, I am intimidated by this, because it feels unknown, and I am busy. Stress and worry are what I’m feeling. But if I watch fewer NCIS reruns at night, which is pretty easy to give up, and I make a schedule to ensure I can get everything done, including this blog, I can add this to my life.
3) Practice Opposite Action
Alright, so all I want to do right now is pretend this blog assignment doesn’t exist. I’m feeling overwhelmed, but I want to get this done. So what’s the opposite action? I can dive into this right now. Surprisingly, it is taking time, but the process of just throwing one’s thoughts into writing isn’t so bad.
4) Practice Coping Ahead with imagined negative consequences.
When that schedule I made goes wrong, instead of giving up, I’ll have to regroup and make a new plan. What’s the worst thing that can happen? A blog post will be late? It won’t be the end of the world if that happens.
Alright, lets give this DBT skill a try! I’m firing up my imagination, thinking about disappointing my boss, disappointing myself, and still having a blog that needs writing. What DBT skills can I use in the moment to make sure I communicate firmly and fairly, without over-apologizing and making sure I show both my boss, and myself, respect? When I walk myself through that conversation mentally, it doesn’t seem so scary.
Positive self-talk helps us see the truth
When we convince ourselves that we cannot do something, that is the narrative our body both biologically and psychologically adopts too. We carry that weight around with us in the form of physical tension and mental rumination,and it helps form, or more likely deform, who we think we are, and how we behave.
When I think “I can’t, I’m no writer and it’ll be terrible,” I can tell my negative self-beliefs are speaking up. Instead of letting them tell the story, I can stop, and remember positive things about myself. “I’ve taken on major challenges before,” or “I like learning new things, and this is a chance to do that,” are both positive, both true, and both help me take my negative self-beliefs less seriously.
DBT skills can help you rewrite your internal narrative
DBT skills have changed how I approach life’s challenges, and they can do the same for you.
- Instead of thinking “I don’t deserve to be happy,”, find a more logical argument; of course you deserve to be happy, everyone does!
- Instead of thinking “If they say no it will kill me,” how about checking the facts. It won’t kill me, but it will be disappointing.
- “I must be inadequate if I can’t fix this myself.” Have you really tried, or is it easier to ask for help every time? Time for Opposite Action and Positive Self-Talk. Go out there and do it, and if you failed, then you aren’t inadequate, you are learning! You’re just like everyone else, and you’ll do better next time.
- Here’s my favorite internal myth: “I don’t care.” I bet you do care, so lets make a plan. Just because something went wrong does not mean you give up. Something in life will always go astray, but as the great Rocky Balboa once said “It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and still move forward”.
So to all you readers, bust those myths, keep moving forward, and I welcome you to accompany me on this journey of self-improvement and mindfulness through the vast world of DBT skills!
Suffolk DBT can help you use DBT Skills to cope when faced with life’s challenges
You have probably faced a similar challenge in life, and you are probably wondering how you too can use DBT skills to make life’s frustrations easier to deal with.
Suffolk DBT proudly provides quality dialectical behavior therapy, a form of cognitive behavioral therapy, at their offices in Manhattan and Long Island, New York and online. Their experienced therapists specialize in serving teens, children, adults, and college students struggling with depression, borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, and self-harm. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills and treatment can help you or your kids to manage emotions and work through life’s challenges. Suffolk DBT Manhattan and Long Island offer a free screening call so you can get started right away.